he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
