i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
