i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
