So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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