i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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