im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
