Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
