Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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