My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
