Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
