I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
