Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You dont lie about slip and slides
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
