The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
