I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
