He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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