On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just invented taco cereal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
