i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
