I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
