Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
