Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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