is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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