Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
