Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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