Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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