This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
