Sponge bath it is.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
