Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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