1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
