there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
