Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
