hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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