my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
