Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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