IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize