dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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