He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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