1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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