...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
