When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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