Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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