You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
