Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
