I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
