using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
