remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
