literally had 100 drinks last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
