I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
