i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
