I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
