Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
