Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
