dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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