Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need to stop coming to work sober
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
