i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
